Expectant First-Time Mum
This is an Image of my baby wearing at home. Remember being super emotional that day & snapping this. I could not even achieve the simplest of tasks due to my overwhelming emotions. In the end, I got everything done & still wearing my princess; the struggle was real. The reward looking back was greater I thought to share this more personal post as it may help some of you, you are human and I promise you’re not alone!
You’re probably slightly clueless about what this topic is about, continue reading and you’ll find clarity. This little chat mainly aims at those of you expecting your first child or perhaps just giving birth to your first bundle of joy (possibly even a second). I have been meaning to touch upon this topic for a long time as I have struggled with baby blues for months on end. I feel like my thoughts are here, there, and everywhere but I will try my best to get my thoughts put across as clearly as possible.
Post-baby blues
The post-baby blues was taboo post-baby it was not until one day I decided to sit with myself and admit that I was a little cuckoo and an emotional wreck. I took it upon myself to take a moment and do my research; only to find a whole nutty (sane) Mums community online. Well, if I’m honest I couldn’t get over the fact that I was finding things hard emotionally, physically; everything. I tried to be super mum, super wife, super homemaker but reality hit me hard and I was not as strong as I thought. I thought I was Mrs ‘I got this’, but I was drowning in my sorrows. Allahu-l-Musta3aan!
The post-baby blues are a string of emotions experienced by the mother when her baby is born. These emotions usually occur anywhere between a few days, to a few weeks after birth and it can last as long as 2 years. The emotions I experienced were mood swings, constant crying, and ‘over the pettiest things’, sometimes for no real reason at all; to name a few. This post is not for me to ramble on about the many sad and upside-down days that I experienced during such a blessed and joyful time. Rather it is to bring it to your attention, and for you to know that If you so happen to experience it, it is completely normal and you’ll be included in that 8 out of 10 population of women who so happen to go through this too.
Below I’ve listed a few things I would have done to avoid this, bearing in mind everyone differs in situation/location/age & so these may have an influence. So please, consider this too.
1- Isolation
I cannot begin to tell you how awful this is, I always make the excuse that it wasn’t my fault because I was foreign in the land in which I lived, The people here are different and less welcoming. The fact I didn’t have family here, was a great excuse but nothing that helped me in the long run. So I would advise you to leave the excuses aside and have people surround you aside from your spouse. Let people in and out of your home while your house is upside down and you have bedhead! I had the issue of heading everything perfectly; no, stay sane by being careless for a moment! I mean fair enough, you do need space of course, but there is a difference between wanting space and not wanting to see anyone full stop.
2- Walk
This one, I believe is the best advice I can give you to beat the blue feeling. Walk it out, even in the cold, wrap up warm, you and your baby, and walk your heart out. Don’t worry about your baby getting ill, if anything confining him/her indoors- wrapped up all day will cause more harm than good. Get some sunlight onto you and your baby’s skin, breathe and enjoy the creation of Allaah, and count your blessings, so much to be thankful for honestly, it’s crazy how we sometimes become so wrapped up in ourselves and our own little lives. Promise this destroys those stubborn emotions, and helps build a little stamina too!
3- Your Time
This is by far the one I struggled with the most. Being the stubborn madame I can be post-baby, that baby opened when number two came along (surprised), I was quite the control freak I was, I’m not even kidding.
Try and leave your baby with your spouse for at least two hours when possible, this could be every other day 2/3 times a week, or whatever works best. I sincerely would say don’t be a pest during those hours. If it makes you feel any better instead of nagging at him or constantly calling/messaging, write him a small reminder/to-do list. Even if this to-dois spent at home, whereby you catch up on sleep or take a bath, eat alone, call family, or even pray (Salah)-this can even be a challenge. Make sure it’s with close to zero interruption!
Last little side tip, which I learned far too late, learners are like babies too sometimes; the reality is- the jealousy of real ladies, sorry to burst your bubble! Nonetheless, May Allaah Subhanahuwata3ala make things easy for us all, be sure to ask Allaah much to ease this special bond for you, and don’t beat yourself, up about things, trial and error because this is certainly a learning process.
